I miss you, my friend....

I lost of a friend this last week when he decided to end his life by driving off the cliff at Maliko. It was devastating to learn of his passing and how he chose to leave this world. Sadly, I had felt that I lost Sierra a long time ago when he started his trip down the rabbit hole of drugs and alcohol. 

Iʻve seen many crosses by the sides of the road over the years and had always wondered why people paid such homage to them. I understood immediately, as the shock of the news of his death wore off. I wanted to drive out to the place where he ended his life…to feel close to him in some way. Iʻve been twice now. Neither times was I able to feel his presence, but I left a lei and contemplated the life of my beautiful friend, Sierra Emory. I remembered his call to me this year on my birthday…so loving.

A friend suggested to me to walk the beach and find a rock or shell that spoke to me of Sierraʻs spirit. As many of you know, I collect heart shaped coral rocks. When I walked the beach yesterday, I found several hearts that reminded me of Sierra. One was really big and full…bursting almost from the seams. That was Sierra…bursting with love for his friends and family, especially his two daughters. Another heart was full of bumps and lumps…not a perfect shaped, but still a heart…that was Sierra, too…I placed these hearts in the hands of my statue of the Buddha who sits at the top of a little waterfall overlooking my fish pond that my father built. I feel Sierra there, as the water flows from the waterfall surrounded by the flowers. I feel Sierra while I watch the birds eating at my bird feeder. I feel Sierra as my husband holds my hand in comfort. He is with me…right now, in my own heart.

Good bye, my sweet friend, Sierra...may you be at peace...may you know how loved you are by so many…may your daughters know who their father really is…such a beautiful divine being to your core…may we remember your essence and not your tragic ending. I love you.

P.S.

I will remember you this way…down the waterslide with my son, Ryder, and your daughter Eden. This is who you are.